Your Tech Should Evolve as Fast as You Do
The Problem
You didn’t train for years in your modality to become an accidental IT person.
But here you are:
- Troubleshooting plugins at midnight
- Watching potential clients abandon your seven-step booking flow
- Manually doing tasks that should be automated
- Explaining to yet another developer why retreat bookings aren’t like selling shoes
Your calendar doesn’t talk to your payment processor. Your course platform runs on Zapier and hope. That automation you set up two years ago stopped working and you just… work around it.
The tech that got you here won’t get you where you’re going.
One-time builds? Great for six months. Then your business evolves, the tech doesn’t, and you’re paying someone new $5K just to understand what the last person built.
We’re different. We stick around. We grow with you.
What It Is
Monthly Tech Evolution — Your Personal Conspiracy
Not a project. A partnership.
A quiet alliance where we plot your revolution together. Your time, your money, your business—on your terms.
Every month we tackle what matters most:
- Fix what’s actively costing you time or money
- Build the capability you need to scale
- Optimize what’s working
- Eliminate friction
Rolling 30-day cycles. Your systems get stronger, not more complicated.
Month 1: Immediate Impact
We stop the bleeding:
- Broken booking flow? Fixed. Conversion jumps.
- Site loading in 8 seconds? Optimized to under 3.
- Manual invoicing eating hours? Automated.
- Payment failures? Investigated and resolved.
Measurable wins in 30 days. Hours saved, revenue recovered, stress eliminated.
Don’t see real value? We work for free until you do.
Months 2+: Strategic Building
The fires are out. Now we build:
Group bookings. Client portals. Email sequences. Payment plans. Accessibility improvements. Multi-practitioner coordination. Whatever your empire needs next.
One meaningful capability each month. Compounding growth.
Two Tiers
Empire Co-Conspirator Growth : $1,997/month
First payment: $3,994 (first + last)
For established wellness businesses ready to scale.
Each month: One significant feature or 2-3 smaller fixes, plus full maintenance and emergency support.
Empire Co-Conspirator Premium: $5,000/month
First payment: $10,000 (first + last)
For complex operations—retreats, multi-practitioner clinics, 5+ income streams.
Each month: Bigger, more complex features because your business needs them. Payment plan systems with sliding scale logic. Multi-day retreat coordination. Advanced practitioner scheduling.
The difference? Feature complexity, not speed. Premium handles the gnarly integrations that simple businesses don’t need.
Not sure? Apply below. We’ll tell you honestly which fits.
What Happens When You Stabilize?
When your systems are running smoothly and your business is in a proven, self-sustaining state, you can graduate to Legacy Co-Conspirator ($449/month). All the protection and upkeep, none of the strategic evolution. For empires that’ve reached cruising altitude.
What You Get
Monthly development tackling what matters most
Proactive maintenance so things don’t break
Same-day emergency support when they do
Accessibility baked in (WCAG standards, always)
Strategic thinking about your next milestone
Full documentation for everything we build (so you know how to use it)
Full ownership of everything we create
The Guarantees
99.9% uptime (or that month’s free)
Load speed under 3 seconds
30-day quick win (or we work for free)
No lock-in (cancel anytime, 30 days notice)
No surprises (transparent pricing, honest scoping)
Why Join the Conspiracy?
Because we’re invested in women building empires.
Generic developers build what you ask for, then disappear. They don’t understand wellness businesses or why your retreat bookings need different logic than e-commerce. You end up explaining your business over and over.
We specialize in body-positive wellness women.
We already understand wellness business models, so our conversations are productive from day one. You’re not starting from zero explaining how your business works—we get it, and we’re genuinely curious about your specific setup.
We’re your long-term partner.
Your wins are our wins. Your goals become our obsession. When you celebrate a milestone, we’re celebrating with you. When something breaks, we’re already fixing it.
This isn’t transactional. We’re building your empire’s infrastructure together.
Realistic Examples
Multi-Stream Coach (Growth Tier)
Month 1: Fix booking flow losing 40% of clients, optimize site speed
Month 2: Build client portal for course materials
Month 3: Add group program booking capability
Month 4: Create testimonial collection system
Month 5: Implement sliding scale payment option
Month 6: Build course completion email sequence
One capability per month. Steady improvement.
Retreat Provider (Premium Tier)
Month 1: Rebuild complex multi-day booking flow, fix payment failures
Month 2: Build waitlist automation with attendee dashboard
Month 3: Implement payment plans with deposit logic
Month 4: Integrate accommodation booking into main flow
Month 5: Create post-retreat follow-up automation
Month 6: Build alumni portal with retreat history
Bigger features. More complexity. Matches your operational reality.
Ready to Build?
If you’re an established body-positive wellness practitioner and your tech is holding you back—let’s fix that.
If you’re done being your own IT department and ready for a partner who actually gets it—we’ve got you.
If you want someone obsessing over your systems so you can focus on changing lives—that’s what we do.
Apply below. Our system qualifies you automatically. If you’re a fit, you get immediate dashboard access where we’ll gather information about your business, goals, and current systems.
Then we create your 12-month strategic roadmap—a flexible plan showing what we’d build, in what order, and why. You review it, we talk about it, and you decide if the value matches the investment before you commit a dollar.
No sales calls. No pressure. Just clarity on whether we can help and exactly how we’d do it.
Your next milestone? We’re already mapping the systems to get you there.
FAQ
What’s the 12-month roadmap?
After you apply and qualify, we create a strategic roadmap showing what we’d build over the next year, in what order, and why. It’s flexible—not a contract—but it shows you we’re thinking strategically about your growth. You review it, we discuss it, then you decide if it’s worth the investment.
Can I upgrade from the Fuck the Overwhelm Club?
Yes. Start with the FTOC ($349/mo), upgrade when ready.
What if I just need a build, not ongoing?
Check Custom Builds—one-time projects in 6-8 weeks.
What happens if I cancel?
You own everything. All code, all documentation. Take it wherever you want.
How do I know which tier?
Apply. We’ll recommend based on your actual complexity.